To My Precious Kara,
You are loved! I want you to know that. From the moment I found I was pregnant with you until now, my love for you has never changed. From the time I was a little girl, I grew up hoping to one day have a little girl of my own to love and be a mom too. Little did I know that at the age of 20 that I would be pregnant. I was excited because I had always wanted to be a mom but then all the doubts and fears started creeping in. I wasn’t in a stable relationship and I knew my family would be disappointed.
From the time I found I was pregnant with you, I knew in my heart I wanted to raise you but at the same time I knew I wasn’t ready. I was 20 years old and had nowhere to go. My parents had no room in there house for us to stay and I was working part time at Burger King. I had no money and knew that I was alone in all of this. I had thought about abortion but knew that wasn’t the path for me. I knew in my heart I couldn’t go through with something like that. You were my child and you were worth fighting for and your life was worth fighting for.
You my daughter changed my life. You may never know how much you have changed my life but you have. It was because of you that I learned that I had to grow up and it was because I was pregnant with you that I needed to go get help. God led me to so many amazing people who helped me through this time of my life where I didn’t know what to do.
After much prayer and seeking out the counsel of others I knew that the best thing for you was to give you a better life. I knew that there was no way that I could provide all the things that you deserved. As much as I love you and as much as I care for you, I knew that there was no way that I would be able to provide all the things that you needed on my own. When you love someone as much as I love you sometimes you need to be willing to do what is best for that person. Love is a great thing but I knew that you needed more than love to survive.
Two days was all I got with you after you were born. I remember holding you and showering you with love the best I could in the time I had with you. Leaving the hospital without you in my arms was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. You were a part of my life for nine months and that has never felt like enough time, but in those months I had fallen in love with the little girl who would kick and punch me. The little girl that changed my life!
Choosing adoption for you was the best decision I ever made. It was a difficult one and I knew it would be an emotional one. It still is hard some days because I think of you constantly. But I am so thankful for you because of you I grew up! I became a person that I can be happy with, you led me to my precious Savior and I am now living a life to honor Him with all that I am. He blessed me with you and He gave me the strength and courage to do for you what I never would have thought possible. He made me realize that if I were to have kept you that I would have been selfish and would have been thinking of only me. He opened up my eyes to see that you deserved a life with a mommy and daddy who could provide for you. I know they are doing those things. I never met your mommy and daddy but I know that from the letters they have written me that they love you so much and they have shown me so much love too!
I am sad that I am not there to watch you grow up. I am sad that I never saw you take your first steps, celebrate your first birthday, see you off on your first day of school and so much more. But I know in my heart I made the right decision for you! From the moment I chose to place you for adoption I had so much peace and I knew God was confirming for me the choice that I knew I had to make.
I love you so much sweet girl and I pray that one day I will be able to embrace you in my arms again. Just know in the time since we said goodbye, my love for you has not faded and it never will. My love for the little girl that changed my life is untouchable! I love you, always know that! I love you and I always will. I pray for you daily and hope your life is everything I dreamed it would be. Thank you for changing my life. I wouldn’t be at all who I am today, if I never had you. God has done great things in my life and I know He is doing them in yours! I may not be there to witness those great things but I know they are great because God is faithful! He always is and His plan is perfect!
One day sweet girl, one day we will embrace and until that day I am going to tell others about the beautiful girl who changed my life.