Confidently Insecure

Confidence is a topic that people have many opinions on.

And I’ve oddly had several conversations about this topic with many of my friends lately.

The general consensus I’ve gathered is that…you should be confident, even if you’re not actually confident about something, you should fake it…because that’s attractive.

Sure. I agree…confidence is an attractive characteristic in people.

But is the confidence real? Is it healthy confidence? Or is it pretend and faked? Is it forced for the sake of being considered attractive and put together?

I would also say that overly faking confidence is cocky.

And I would also say that, constantly pretending to be confident in all areas of your life is not healthy.

My past experience as a perfectionist that pretty much put on a “confidence front” 100% of the time has actually really damaged me.

Being confident 100% of the time has it’s downfalls.

It makes you wonder if you are still “enough” on the days when you are feeling a little insecure, or weak, or vulnerable, or afraid.

It makes you feel like people will run away the moment you express a worry or a concern, because who wants to deal with someone’s “baggage”.

It makes you feel like you can’t truly be yourself…your imperfect self.

It’s really depressing when you think about the need to be confident all the time.

So…honestly, I have a lot of opinions on “Confidence”

I think confidence is great…if it’s genuine.

I don’t think there is anything unattractive about being a real person with real vulnerabilities, fears, insecurities, and weaknesses.

I actually think more often than not, people are not “confident enough” to admit these insecurities.

I’m certainly not saying that people should take their vulnerabilities and insecurities to an extreme level that causes a person to become immobilized or paralyzed by them and spiral down into this ditch of self-pity and sulking…because that’s not healthy either.

I’m just tired of people saying that you have to be “on” and 100% confident at all times.  That’s honestly what sucked the joy out of my life the most….the constant effort to

  • Be confident in everything…never show a negative or weak emotion
  • Never care what others thought of me
  • But ironically always make sure others thought I was “enough” or had everything “confidently” under control
  • Just always have my game-face on and “go, go, go”

Can’t there be a balance for goodness sake?

We’re all human.

And I’m confident in the fact that I’m a human with real fears, concerns, and insecurities.

I think it is more “confident” of a person to acknowledge those vulnerabilities…because not very many people are confident enough to be vulnerable or even appear weak.

When you can be confident in your vulnerabilities…an amazing thing happens…

You grow.

You face your fears.

You become stronger.

You overcome.

You are real.

You become confident in your ability to overcome your insecurities, and you become confident in your real self, confident in you imperfections…which means you actually love and accept yourself.

There can be a balance. You don’t have to be 100% confident in all areas of your life. And you can be confident about your insecurities without drowning in them.

I personally, think the confidence to admit vulnerabilities is a lot more attractive than pretending all the time.  There is beauty in being a real person.

Being real…has brought me more healing and joy than anything else.

And if people think I need to just be “more confident”…I would challenge them to be more confident in their insecurities and weaknesses…because I’m not afraid to admit them, face them, and grow from them.

And I’m a better, happier, more joyful, stronger person because of it. And that’s where I get my real confidence from.

End rant.


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