My daughter is 2 1/2 now… And in the 90th percentile for height and weight. She’s full of energy, social, independent, a smarty pants, talkative, and she loves to be held…
This past Easter, I was literally sweating at Mass because she wanted me to hold her the entire time…. And it’s Easter Mass so it’s way too hot and crowded.
Not to mention… She is constantly getting heavier and I’m not exactly getting stronger.
But, low and behold, every time we stand up she just reaches her arms up in the air, staring at me desperately with those big hazel eyes.
Then, throughout the day, every day…her little voice peeps “Mommy, hold me, hold me. Please Mommy.”
Anyways, I would be lying if I told you I just loved holding her… Because I don’t. Like I said… She’s a big girl!! She’s also very independent so she’s certainly capable of not always needing to be held and standing on her own.
So… Sometimes I get irritated or tired of holding her soooooo much. Especially if I’m the only one she wants to go to.
But I recently changed my perspective on this.
If you know me… You know I’m a sucker for worrying about the future.
My latest concern has been about father figures for my little girl. She’s getting smart enough to start seeing that other little kids have dads… She sees her friend’s dads when they pick up their kids from daycare, she sees dads in movies, she hears people say the word “dad” and she’s really picking up on it.
Which scares me to death…
I wanted to protect her from wondering about this, and sort of lived in this dream land that I would meet a guy and be married before she was ever old enough to realize that something was a little different about our family.
Well… That time has come and gone…
So, naturally I had to throw a little pity party for myself about it… Which essentially led to nothing good but me obsessing over future scenarios of things that could happen, and how to prepare and protect my daughter from this reality.
But… I luckily snapped out of it.
The only good thing worrying about the future has done for me is that it made me realize that the future will always be there, we will never know what is going to happen, and the only way to prepare for it is to live in the present.
And right now… My daughter doesn’t have a “traditional dad”, but what she does have is a TON of people who love and adore her.
And then I realized maybe I can protect her.
I can protect her by continuing to surround her with these people that love her and allow her to be attached to them regardless of what their “title” is.
Because at the end of the day, she needs to experience love.
And if she feels loved when I hold her… I’ll hold her as much as possible.
That is how I will protect her.
I will hold her and shower her with love and surround her with others who love her, so that she has no doubt in her mind that she is so beautiful, worthy, valuable, and loved.
Oh, and I guess I lied, there’s one other good thing I got from worrying about the future… And that is that this little girl of mine will one day stop wanting me to hold her… So I better hold her as much as I can before it’s too late. And I will love every second of it.
Mommy will you hold me?