I Have the Worst Love Language

EnoughAccording to the 5 Love Languages, my #1 love language is “Words of Affirmation”.

If you’ve never heard of the 5 Love Languages, you should check it out, it is really interesting, and pretty accurate. Knowing someone’s love language has helped my relationship with them tremendously (especially in my family).

Basically, the short version is that these love languages reflect how we as people best receive love and what actions make us feel the most cared for or the most valued.

There are 5 basic ones:

Words of Affirmation (kind, encouraging words…ie. You’re a great mom, I care about you, I love you)

Quality Time (just spending time with someone)

Acts of Service (when someone serves you and helps you out…ie. doing the dishes, helping you clean, running an errand for you)

Gifts (when someone brings you small gifts or tokens to show you they have been thinking about you…ie. flowers, cards)

Physical Touch (when hugs, holding hands, kissing, snuggling make you feel the most loved and cared for)

To read more or take the test to find your own love language, go HERE.

Anyways, my top love language by a landslide is Words of Affirmation.

I decided it’s the worst one to possibly have…haha.

This is because all the other love languages don’t really have an opposite…for example, the opposite of giving gifts would just be not giving gifts. And the opposite of spending quality time with someone is just not spending quality time with someone.

However, with words of affirmation, the opposite is words of criticism.

And I’m a sucker for that.

Since “Words of Affirmation” is my main love language and the primary way I feel worthy and cared for, when I get words of criticism, I also take it to heart and feel unworthy and unloved.

It’s a double edged sword.

Especially when you’re a single mom, living at home. The criticisms of the world and of people when they talk poorly about women that get pregnant out of wedlock, or whether or not I can support myself, or when their first question when they find out I’m a mom is “how old are you”, followed by “are you married” takes it’s toll on me. I can unfortunately remember almost every major criticism in my life…and have a hard time remembering the affirmations.

But I did realize that in this world, we naturally give more criticisms than affirmations. We are all very critical people, and we are taught early on how to critique everyone and anyone about anything. We are not taught how to affirm people, and it is often a lot harder to do it.

So, with that type of culture surrounding me, it really does suck that “Words of Affirmation” is my love language.

And I’m learning how to balance all the comments made to me…

Some of my blogs that have been posted to the national level have had some harsh criticisms in the comments of people reading them.  People at the grocery store have explicitly said rude comments about my age when they find out that the girl in the cart is my daughter. People have said racist things about my daughter. People have attacked my mothering.

And I remember it all.


So my new goal…is to accept that my love language is a great thing, but to also know that if I don’t monitor it, it WILL break me and ruin me.

I’m not totally sure what the goal of this post was…I certainly don’t want any of you to start affirming ME because of it, but to start affirming people in general…there’s too many criticisms out there, and words are more powerful than we think.

And maybe that’s why I blog…because I know how powerful words are, and I want to use them to affirm, encourage, love, and empower.

And I know most of you all, DO affirm me and DO love me and DO encourage me. And I can’t tell you how grateful I am, and I hope I can give that back to you.

Know you are worthy.

Know you are loved.

Know you are good enough as you are.



6 thoughts on “I Have the Worst Love Language

  1. My husband and I are both Physical Touch. Wonder why we have 9 kids? 😉 A close second is Words of Affirmation for me. I understand how difficult criticism is—I hate it myself! Sometimes I even feel that a lack of affirmation from people (especially my husband) means they are thinking negatively about me. I keep working on this, though.

  2. Nice reading your Blog. I’ve been trying to encourage my husband to read the book (even together) and no luck however I finally convinced him to take the quiz. I wasn’t surprised! He’s Acts of Services. His tank is mostly full because I cook all week and try to maintain the household in order. On the other hand, I’m Quality of Time and he thinks he’s pleasing me by sitting down watching t.v. or inviting me to go have lunch with his coworkers. So, I feel sad and disappointed. I’m even wondering if it’s really worth staying in this marriage.

  3. My love language is words of affirmation, and I do feel like it is the most misunderstood of the love languages. First, people who don’t have this as a love language just don’t get it. I have people criticize me for complementing people too much. Because I dish out a lot of compliments I have been told that they are fake and empty. What they don’t understand is that is my way of saying I am interested in you, lets be friends, etc. But to the world I am trying to hard and being fake. Secondly, people say that words don’t mean anything. That words are empty. They say people can say whatever they want and it don’t mean anything.OUCH! I mean what i say and its impossible for me to be dishonest in my words since they mean so much to me. Only actions speak the truth. Its not uncommon for people to expect love by spending time together or doing things for each other. These are put on a pedestal. Also, some people do lie and use flattery to manipulate. They say the right things and you fall for it, because finally someone knows how to communicate your love language. They say the right things and suddenly I feel like I can walk on water, but they know this and they use it to take advantage. Finally, My fiance’s 5th love language is “words of affirmation.” It shouldn’t be ranked at all. He is a very loving man. I identify his love through “acts of service” and “touch.” But he is a man of very few words. I am a babbling brook and he is a silent quarry. He just doesn’t get it. So yes, sometimes words of affirmation feels like the worst love language.Furthermore, as mentioned in your article it is to easy and to common for people to say critical and unbecoming things and it hurts!!! The absence of a love language will lead to an empty love tank but the “opposite” of a love language such as words of criticism is a destructive weapon.

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