A Mother’s Love

My mom is the greatest…

You don’t understand.

Yes, her and I fight, a lot (actually I probably fight with her more than anyone else I know) but, that is besides the point.

She has always been there, she has always cared, she has always loved.

And…she knows exactly what I need, when I need it.

Last night was horrible.  Absolutely horrible.  AvaMarie was crying and crying and crying. She was inconsolable.  She wasn’t hungry, she wasn’t dirty….but she was clearly upset. She’s been way out of sorts ever since our vacations, plus add teething to the mix. Boo.

 

12am: Oh no…already up and we’re barely seconds into the new day, here we go.

12:30am: She’s still crying.  Let’s check the diaper again.  Nothing. Maybe she really is hungry…

1am: Phew fell asleep (on the boob). Dangit.  Really trying to break this falling asleep while nursing thing. We’ll try tomorrow.

1:05am: Ahhhhhh….bad transfer to the crib, she’s stirring. Dear God, please let her stay asleep. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

1:10am: (Tip toeing back to bed)

1:20am: Why am I still awake…..

2:45am: (waaaa, waaaa, waaaa) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO it’s barely been an hour!!!!

2:50am: Maybe she’ll fall back asleep

2:55am: Is it bad I haven’t helped her yet?? Can’t get out of bed….

3:00am: Ok….what is wrong

3:15am: I’m not seeing what the problem is….

3:30-4:00am: (my memory here is blurry…just lots of crying and me almost crying)

4:15am: Maybe she’ll be good for the rest of the morning…let’s see, if she is, I can get about 4 more hours of sleep until I need to get ready for work.  That should be enough.

5:00am: (waaaa, waaaa, waaaaaaaa) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

5:15am: Can’t open my eyes…AvaMarie, why? Why?

5:17am: How can such a small thing create such an earsplitting noise?? I don’t get it.

5:20am: Ok little lady…let’s figure this out

5:30am: Fell asleep on the boob again….ugh. Bad habits die hard. 

5:35am: Yes, solid transfer to the crib…we are GOOOOOD

5:40am: Ok…how much sleep can I get before work? Ugh, let’s not think about it. MUST SLEEP

6:50am: (waaa, waaa, waaaaaa) Oh. My. Gosh. This can’t be happening.

6:52am: Is it possible to die of sleep deprivation?

6:55am: (diaper change)

6:58am: Did I even change that diaper???? I literally can’t remember….where am I?

7:00am: (Screaming) I can’t do this. Why am I such a bad mom?

7:05am: AvaMarie, just sit on my bed and play with these toys and I’ll sleep

7:10am: Stop kicking me

7:20am: Oh, now you wanna start babbling all cute-like?

7:30am: Why are baby toy songs SOOOO ANNOYING

7:35am: Somebody rescue me!!!!!

7:40am-8:20am: (Pretty sure I waved a toy in front of AvaMarie trying to figure out how I could sleep and keep my arm waving…It’s not possible in case you’re wondering)

8:30am: Alright, I guess I better feed you…

9:00am: (Mom walks in) Thank you God!!!! “Want me to take her?” “YESSSSSSS!”

9:02am: ahhhhh, silence.

9:03am: Well, that was nice while it lasted….

9:04am: I wonder if I can call in sick for work.

9:05am: No…I can’t.

9:06am: Words cannot express how much I don’t want to go to work right now.

9:07am: Well…looks like I won’t be showering today, thank goodness for deodorant.

9:10am-9:30am: (Stumbling around, getting ready, barely managing to get my hair in a ponytail, and put some mascara on so I don’t look like a complete disheveled mess)

9:32am: (Stumble up the stairs) I’m not going to have time to eat again.

9:35am: A brown bag lunch sack is waiting for me by the door.  My mom is feeding AvaMarie cereal in her high chair. She comes over to give me the tightest hug good bye. “We love you”

10:00am: Arrive at work and open my sack lunch.  Inside is my favorite granola bar, and freshly chopped fruit and yogurt.

…….and a note:

“We love you. AvaMarie will get through this, things will get better. You are a great mom”

(Tears start welling up)

Ya.

My mom is the best.

Mama and Me

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13 thoughts on “A Mother’s Love

  1. Lol…. I think I’ve lived that night. 🙂 it’s always better when it’s light out… sometimes it just feels like the night will never end or that you’re not going to make it through alive or at least sane…. Pretty sure that’s why God made babies so cute, so we have the strength to do it all over again.

  2. “She comes over to give me the tightest hug good bye. “We love you”” I was fine until I got to that part! Teary-eyed now. Your Mom is the greatest. And, yes, you are a good Mom. This too shall pass.

  3. Oh, mama! Those are the delirious times… I wish I could give you a hug right now. Those are the nights that just about broke me as a mom. Luckily, this second time around I have the mostly solidly sleeping three year old to remind me that this too shall pass with the newborn.

  4. Oh Raquel, you made me cry with this one….just remember this too shall pass. It will get easier, I know, I’ve had those nights too (sometimes days too). If you ever need a babysitter and a trip to Denver, I’m here!! Love to you and your mom!

  5. oh i know the feeling! your mom is so right…she will get through it and so will you and you are doing a great job!

  6. Aww your mom is soo amazing, I almost teared up! You are an amazing mom Raquel, man you are like super woman!

  7. I can relate to this so much. I’m finishing out my junior year in college with a 4 month old who has just started having sleep regressions. This was seriously like an exact replica of my night last night. I love reading your blog. It’s so honest and I think you’re really brave for everything you do.

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