Being a single mom is lonely.
Ok, I said it.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom, and my daughter is perfect and wonderful….but the single aspect of that is less than ideal. In fact, it flat out stinks sometimes.
I really realized it for the first time just the other day. My parents were gone for a few days (yes I live with my parents, judge me if you want – I don’t care). Anyways, my parents were gone, the laundry was done, the house was mostly picked up, I had completed my homework, and the baby was sleeping.
This almost NEVER happens….
(that’s probably why I just realized the loneliness for the first time)
Usually I’m too busy to notice. With 2 jobs, preparing for graduate school, and raising an almost 6 month old…there’s almost always something to be done and I’m usually way behind all my tasks – especially the cleaning/laundry/work/sleep.
But not yesterday. Yesterday, everything was done, and I was sitting alone in a quiet house.
I began thinking of someone I could invite over to hang out. I couldn’t think of anyone. Sure, I have tons of AMAZING friends, don’t get me wrong, I’m very blessed, but it was just one of those moments when (as selfish as this may sound) they couldn’t fill the loneliness. They wouldn’t truly be able to understand this single mom business….and the desire to share my daughters life with someone. Obviously I get to share much of her life with my parents, and that is truly incredible. With my circumstances, I wouldn’t want it any other way. But alas….as incredible as my parents are, there is still that companionship that they cannot offer (and by no fault of their own).
So, after some self pity, facebook creeping, and moping around I finally took this loneliness to prayer.
Of course….God blows me away.
Literally…from my magnificat for Monday, April 15th:
“The Lord Jesus knows the persistent longing of our hearts; ‘You are looking for me.'”
And then peacefulness fell over me….and I knew that this single mom business/living at home/loneliness is only temporary. This is just a short season of my life…and regardless of my circumstances, the ultimate longing in my hear is for Him. When I seek Him I am always fulfilled, regardless of being a single mom.