I remember standing in my closest, staring blankly at my clothes.
Hopeless. Scared. What was I going to wear?
Trivial as it may sound….it was a big deal. Tomorrow is the first day of school and I’m 8 months pregnant. Can’t exactly camouflage that anymore.
There is nothing I could possibly wear that would deflect the stares, the pity looks, the whispering.
I just want to be invisible.
But, I’m not. I’m actually pretty hard to miss at this point. Stretch marks are in full effect and I’ve got the penguin waddle down pat.
What am I going to wear?
I wanted to be one of those “glowing” pregnant women. They are so joyful and beautiful.
Too bad it’s hard to be glowing when you are competing with 100 degree weather. I’m usually never “glowing” but I’m sizzling away covered in perpetual sweat. Ugh…what can I wear that will keep me cool? By this point in the pregnancy, my options are pretty limited. It’s not worth it to buy more clothes during the final stretch (ha).
What am I going to wear?
This is too stressful.
Maybe I’ll paint my toe nails. Since I’ll be walking with my head down the whole time.
I walked out of the closet, grabbed my favorite hot pink polish.
Wait….I can’t reach my toes. Crap.
I give up. I’m going to bed.
“God, please let me have a good first day of school. Please don’t let anyone say anything rude. Help me to ignore the stares. Help me to fit in those tiny desks! Help me to be confident; don’t let me look like the sad lonely pregnant girl. I don’t want their pity. Help me to glow. Amen.”
The next morning I got up, put on the most comfortable of the somewhat cute outfits I had and drove to school.
I parked and sat in my car.
Get out of the car.
Don’t look down.
What…room 309? Ugh….up the stairs we go.
Walk slower, you’re panting.
No..walk faster, there’s people behind you.
Screw it, just let them pass you.
Am I at the top yet?
Dear God, I hope I don’t know anyone in this class.
Step through the door.
Dangit…everyone is staring.
Where to sit. Just get to the closest seat and sit down.
There is no way this desk can be any smaller!
Ok, the worst is over.
“Hey…I didn’t know you were pregnant?”
Oh really…glad you noticed. Thought people would just awkwardly avoid the subject…I would prefer that.
“Ya, I am…uhh, I’m due next month”
Please stop talking to me.
“Oh! Congrats! Well…you are glowing, you look so cute!”
What?? Really? Thank you God! O my gosh…don’t cry (pregnancy hormones). Just say thanks…
This might not be so bad after all.