I Didn’t Know it Would be This Hard

My Good Friday Reflection:



I didn’t know it would be this hard.

I didn’t know following you would mean that I really would have to participate in your suffering.

I didn’t know I would be attacked with moral relativism every single day.

I didn’t know that Truth was so hard to speak.

I didn’t know that higher education had an unspoken hate for who you are.

I didn’t know that loving the people who persecute me would weigh on me this much.

I didn’t know there was so much pain and brokenness in the world.

I didn’t know that a culture of death was so prevalent.

I didn’t know that being an advocate for life would bring so much hostility.

I didn’t know that when I was tired and empty, you would want me to choose joy.

I didn’t know that when I had nothing left to give, you would expect the most from me.

I didn’t know it would hurt this much.

I didn’t know what it really meant to be obedient…and maybe I still don’t.


Did you know? When you came to earth, did you know all of this would happen to you?

I’m guessing that you did.

And you still chose to go through with it.

You were obedient.

“Christ became obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross”


Lord, please give me your obedience.



3 Bad Mom Moments…All in one Week!

This week was a very trying week for my “mommy confidence”.

Let’s just say I had several of those “bad mom” moments.  Hopefully I’ve racked up enough to be free for a good period of time before the next “bad mom” moment sneaks up on me.

Bad Mom Moment #1

So, the first moment started on Sunday…at mass no less.  I was in a rush to get to mass on time since it was Palm Sunday and I knew it would be pretty packed.  But…as usual I was running late.  I normally bring minimal things to mass.  Just AvaMarie’s Mass Bag and Quiet Book, plus 1 diaper and some wipes and her pacifier for emergency use.  I definitely steer away from bringing my entire diaper bag. Today I just grabbed the Mass Bag without checking for the 1 diaper (I usually never need to use it because going to mass isn’t a very long trip and I change AvaMarie right before we go anyways).  So, as you can imagine, there was no diaper in the bag.

We get to mass (a tad late) and get seated.  Then I smell it.  AvaMarie was definitely poopy.  As I reach for the Mass Bag my heart sinks when I realize there’s no diaper.  Awesome.  It’s the opening song for mass and she’s poopy.  Of course I can’t just leave her like this for another hour and half before we get home…so I start skimming the church for someone I know who has little ones that maybe I can borrow a diaper from.  No one.  Great.

I decided to take her down to the bathroom and pray that her poop is solid enough to scrape into the toilet (sometimes the poop just plops right out and I was hoping this was the case).


I’ll spare the details and just tell you it took me about 5 tries to scrape everything off the diaper.  Then…(bad mom moment)…I had to put the dirty diaper back on her.

I know….I’m ashamed

In my defense, I did scrape it as clean as possible and line it with fresh toilet paper…but still…I know.  It’s gross.

I debated just having her go commando..but I didn’t trust that either and if anything happened then I had no more back up plans…so this was how it had to be.

Good thing…because when we finally got home, I went to change her IMMEDIATELY and the toilet paper I had used to line the diaper was all soggy because she had peed.

Lesson learned..ALWAYS check the Mass Bag.


Bad Mom Moment #2

I think this pictures explains it all…(just so you know, this happened approximately 2 hours after the poop situation from above)



AvaMarie took a hard hit to the head…the hardest hit to date.  I actually didn’t see exactly what happened because I was in the dining room (bad mom moment), but from the sound, I’m pretty sure I know.  AvaMarie can reach door knobs and open doors nowadays.  She likes to follow people into the bathroom.  I just let her, but the men in the house don’t like her following and will lock the door so she can’t get in and surprise them.

AvaMarie was trying to get into the locked bathroom and got mad (like she normally does when she can’t open a door) and started pounding on the door.

Then all of the sudden “BOOOM”

She was only wearing socks that afternoon.  I’m guessing she pounded so hard that she slipped and bonked her head on the corner of the door edging.

Immediately she was wailing and I rushed over…because it was one of those cries that you could tell something was wrong.  She ran to me and was almost choking she was crying so hard.  This wasn’t the first time she’s taken some hits so I wasn’t really that worried until after about 10 seconds a giant golf ball bump popped out of her head.

Then…I freaked out.

No clue what to do….

I just got a cold wash cloth and tried to wrap it around her head, but she was too frantic to let me do that.  So, I ran to my mom, really freaked out.  When she saw the bump her eyes got huge and she ran to get some ice.  I felt so terrible that I let her play with my phone to calm down

(she’s normally not allowed to play with phones).  Thankfully, it worked….but I’m thinking the worst:


cracked skull

I was holding back tears


Finally after forcing some ice on the bump it started to go down.  We checked basic concussion symptoms and she seemed fine.  I guess when you get a hit on the head like that, there’s no room for it to go but out.

After AvaMarie seemed fine and calm…that’s when I started crying.  (I know, I’m pathetic)

I felt so bad and probably cried longer than AvaMarie after this all happened.

Thank goodness we didn’t have to go anywhere that day…so no one could see what I had let happen to my poor little girl.


Bad Mom Moment #3

2 days after those 2 incidents, I’m at school and I get a call from my mom.

“No need to be alarmed, but AvaMarie just threw up”

AvaMarie has never thrown up before…


Apparently my mom was out running errands, then heard something weird, looked back and saw AvaMarie just throwing up everything she ate that day.  She went on to throw up 2 more times.

I came home as soon as I could.

My mom was crying when I got home because AvaMarie kept dry-heaving.  Her dry-heaving was really really scary because shew as retching a lot and wouldn’t let anything out and kept swallowing whatever came up then would scream.  I think the dry-heaving was scaring AvaMarie so much that she would try to hold it in.  I had to pry her mouth open and try to use the suction bulb to suck all the saliva out.

This went on literally every 15 minutes.  I started to get really worried because any liquids we gave her immediately came back up.  She was getting really weak and would fall asleep just to wake up with the pretty violent dry-heaves.

After furiously texting my nurse friends and mom friends… I called the Doctor.  He was out.  Luckily I had his personal # (he’s our neighbor).  So I called him up and he probably thought I was way too frantic.  He got us a prescription for this anti-nausea medicine.  Before we could go pick it up, AvaMarie’s dry-heaving seemed to be getting worse and she was now spitting up stomach bile.  So, I called the Doctor again….bless his heart because he was so nice even though I’m sure he was thinking to himself “calm down woman!”  He just said, get the medicine and then give him a call if anything comes up.

Finally we got the medicine and after she took like 2 drops of it….she never dry-heaved again.  Praise God!

Of course after she seemed ok…I finally started to cry.  Apparently I cry every time something like this happens. I never liked to think I was this emotional…but I guess I am.

Today we’re recovering (well…she is, she took over my bed)…and hoping this is the last of the bad mom moments for the week!


SB 175

If you haven’t heard about this Senate Bill 175, do yourself a favor and read up on it!

Here’s the info.

Our Archbishop is urging us to take action in some form.  Write a letter to the Senator.  Call Representatives.  Spread the word on your Facebook, blog, Twitter.  Pray.

This bill is detrimental to the pro-life efforts and will basically make abortion an inherent right…eliminating any current and new regulations regarding pregnancy counseling, ultrasound requirements, parental notifications.  This is bad.


Sonnet: A Rose

I was looking for something on the old family computer and came across this blast from the past.

A Sonnet I wrote for one of my English classes.

Turns out I’ve had a thing for roses since I was in high school.


A Rose

How sweet the scent that floats amidst the air

And drifts upon the fallen man today.

It offers hope and wipes away despair.

Spring blossoms burst and face the clouds to pray;

Aromas pleasant calm the hurting soul.

Such lovely beauty reaches to the heart,

And mismatched petals make the bud a whole-

A glimpse to testify a Lord of art.

How stunning – drops from heaven’s paint reflect

The glory made from seed inside the land.

A true design created imperfect.

All like the flower we must understand.

Rejoice! For even broken, bruised, and torn,

The greatest bloom that He creates has thorns.


~Raquel Kato


Vagina Suckers

Sorry for the explicit title…but it’s the only adequate description for this post.

Last week, I came across actual vagina suckers…

This wasn’t the first time I had seen them.  The UNC Women’s Resource Center along with a few other campus organizations always host an annual drama called “The Vagina Monologues”.


I have actually attended this one year with my mom.  It was quite interesting.  The point is to express the “vagina’s” perspective on many issues like sex, abuse, menstruation, mutilation, orgasm, child-birth, etc.  All of these are “vagina experiences”.  The end goal is to support an end to crimes against the “vagina” (or the whole woman in my opinion).  The proceeds go to V-Day.  This is the mission of V-Day taken from their website:

V-Day is an organized response against violence toward women.

V-Day is a vision: We see a world where women live safely and freely.

V-Day is a demand: Rape, incest, battery, genital mutilation and sexual slavery must end now.

V-Day is a spirit: We believe women should spend their lives creating and thriving rather than surviving or recovering from terrible atrocities.

V-Day is a catalyst: By raising money and consciousness, it will unify and strengthen existing anti-violence efforts. Triggering far-reaching awareness, it will lay the groundwork for new educational, protective, and legislative endeavors throughout the world.

V-Day is a process: We will work as long as it takes. We will not stop until the violence stops.

V-Day is a day. We proclaim Valentine’s Day as V-Day, to celebrate women and end the violence.

V-Day is a fierce, wild, unstoppable movement and community. Join us!

So…I’m all for ending sex crimes against women.  100% agree that violence toward women should end and I’m all for empowering women…and I consider myself a feminist (Catholic, pro-life feminist that is).  So even though some of the parts in the Vagina Monologues are crude I support this end mission that is stated.


Everything that the Vagina Monologues was supposed to stand for got completely shattered the moment they started selling these Vagina Suckers.


This is probably the most offensive, counter intuitive thing I’ve ever seen. “We want to end domestic violence and all crimes against the ‘vagina,’ now would you like to buy a vagina sucker that will completely objectify the vagina and make it into a candy that people will eat and make inappropriate jokes about?”

Yeah…that makes a whole lot of sense…

As someone who wants women to be empowered and be recognized for their inherent dignity…I am completely disgusted by these vagina suckers.  Talk about being sexually objectified.

Unfortunately what V-Day has failed to recognize….the means of reaching your goal matters.  The way you go about something reflects your understanding.  And you, V-Day and Vagina Monologues, have really missed the mark in my opinion.  If you have to have such a shock factor as vagina suckers just to get attention for your cause then I guess I see where your priorities lie.

Let me ask you…when an 18 year old boy gets his hands on one of these vagina suckers…do you think the words that will come out of his mouth will be empowering to women? Because I heard that he refers to it as a “pussy pop”.


That’s real female empowerment right there.

Because of these little candies, my desire to support V-Day has just crumbled.  Your means of attaining your mission is in direct contrast with the end goal, and that is something I cannot support….because the means matters.

No vagina suckers or vagina monologues for me.

And for the record…I want my perspective to be heard as a woman not as a “vagina’s perspective”

Friday Quick Takes: Greatest Invention Ever

— 1 —

My mom has been working on a t-shirt blanket for my cousin all week….with a little helper


  — 2 —

More sewing fun!


— 3 —

I discovered the greatest invention ever thanks to my friend!


— 4 —

Brownies/cookies in a coffee mug! It’s the perfect way to enjoy a quick treat without a mess.  You just look up some recipes and mix them in a coffee mug, put it in the microwave for a minute at most…and enjoy heaven in a cup! (great with a glass of milk on the side)


— 5 —



— 6 —

Check out this blog for recipes! It’s the perfect little dessert without the work or mess of a full-out batch of cookies.

— 7 —

I have some interesting posts this week..so stay tuned…one of them will be about my disapproval of these little “candies” I came across. Stay tuned.


Check out more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary!